In my life, I’ve made 2 great choices. One was choosing to become a professional dancer and the other one was saying Yes when Adam proposed to me.
I love married life but it is one of the hardest things I have EVER committed to in my life. I’m not even being sarcastic when I say that, it’s hard work BUT it’s the best. I actually love married life maybe cos I love a challenge ? Anyways, I never thought I would get married, honestly, I never thought I would be able to find someone who would put up with me. I’m fully aware of my bad points. I’m headstrong, stubborn, a control freak, opinionated and an all round nightmare but then Adam came along and after being together for 7 years he finally popped the question in 2011 and by 2012 we were married!
We’ve been happily married ever since. I truly believe he is the one for me. We literally are best friends, each other’s biggest supporters and he is truly my rock. Anyway, before you all hurl I’m gonna share some tips on ways to ‘win at married life’
1. The Toilet Seat Is Not Worth Arguing Over
Up or down, in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t really matter does it? I mean if I want the toilet seat down I can put it down myself, if he wants it up he can put it up himself. I’m more bothered about the state the toilet is in left rather than whether the seat is up or down. Just ignore it and move on.
2. Make a cleaning routine or hire a cleaner
You may look at this and laugh, ‘who has a cleaning routine?’. I can tell you who. I do. I can remember the day I invented it as well. It was way back in 2009 and we had just moved into our flat which was the 2nd place we lived in and we had the battle of cleaning. It was one of those days where I just went crazy. You know the day, where you’ve been biting your tongue for days, trying to ignore it, pushing it to the back of your mind but in the end, you just flip? Well, I flipped!
All over a layer of dust on the skirting board. Adam has only seen me in what I like to call the ‘red mist stage’ 3 times, and this was one of them. I’m not going to go into detail because no one wants to hear about that horrific time but let’s just say, we were both tired from working crazy hours and after 2 days of me blanking him, we finally decided on a cleaning routine! 10 years later, the routine is still going strong. I still check up on his cleaning when he does it and I still reclean what he has cleaned, but hey ho, it works for us. If anyone knows a cleaner that can clean to my high standards, point them my way!
3. Know Your Strengths
This is a big one for me, we basically split stuff up into who is better equipped to deal with things. This may seem a bit old fashioned and a tad sexist but it’s not meant that way at all. I have my strengths and he has his. It just so happens that my strengths are, cleaning, cooking, housewifey 1950’s things, organising, paying bills, general housework and Adam’s are, garden, tech, internet, gadgets, car-maintenance. He doesn’t get involved in my stuff and I don’t get involved with his. Even when he tries to talk to me about tech I stop him. Honestly as long as all that shit works I don’t need to know a thing about it. I’m not going to start talking to him about how to cook a roast dinner, am I?
4. Have fun!
We always have, and always will have a ball together. We do stupid shit but it’s fun. I honestly enjoy spending time with him so that when things get a bit much we just go out for a walk together. We literally could be walking around our estate together but we have so much fun in whatever we do and it takes the stress away.
5. Make time for each other and make an effort
I think it’s dead important to make time for each other. We’re all so busy now and everyone leads busy lives. We need to just take time out and be in the moment. Adam and I started doing something in our first year together that is so cringe and I can’t believe I’m actually talking about it on my blog, but fuck it. We met on cruise ships, our usual attire of an evening was informal/formal so basically dressed up to the nines (this was way back in the days of cruises enforcing the dress code, not the causal vibes they are now). He was used to seeing me all dressed up and looking glam and vice versa. Dammit ? the boy wears a suit so good!
When we got our first house together, we used to invent reasons to get dressed up and so we started doing Bond nights. We would decide on a Bond film and load it up, and come down dressed in all our finery and sit on the couch and share a bottle of wine over a Bond film! It may sound absolutely ridiculous but I don’t care! It’s our thing. Obviously, we would look like a pair of knobs sat in our terraced house in Walton me in a ball gown and him in a dinner jacket drinking a bottle of Mateus but if you have fun who cares!? That ended quite suddenly when Adam decided to come downstairs in a suit without a tie, he called it ‘Casual Bond’. Just no hun. No.
6. Have your own thing
Realising that you don’t have to do everything together is key. I’m a very social person, I love being out and spending time with friends, going to a class, yoga etc. What I enjoy doing I still do. Having a ring on my finger (when I remember to wear it) isn’t going to stop Adam or me from doing things we both love. It’s totally good to have a bit of a different vibe going on. It’s healthy to spend some time apart and it would be proper weird if he liked the same things as me. Plus it gives you something to talk about when you’re on your walks around your estate.
7. Talk, Talk and Talk
Communication is key. We talk a lot. Or maybe I talk a lot. Who knows? I think people don’t talk enough. Not necessary in relationships, in life. I think there is a general kind of keeping things to yourself and dealing with things yourself. What did BT say?
My friends can vouch for me here, I’m forever sending voice notes, I must send at least 30 a day, I just love to talk, to share my thoughts, to ask for help, to give advice, to moan. I bloody love them. The ability to just lash everything on a voice note to one of your closest and have an almost instant reply is just so satisfying. We all need to speak up a little bit.
8. Support them when they are being a crank
We can all be cranks, I’m the biggest crank of them all. I woke up only this morning in a sheen of sweat with the biggest headache ever cos in my dream Adam had told me he was divorcing me. He told me on my 40th birthday. Which is years off by the way, years ?.
He also told me that he had cheated on me in our 6 months of our relationship with a friend of mine and that everyone in our friendship circle knew.
I was an actual mess when I woke up. I was in that much of a state that I couldn’t even voice note him about it. I actually wrote a WhatsApp to him. Which is very unlike me. He was in work and immediately responded with the most loveliest of voice notes and even when I continued my crank behaviour he still consoled me.
9. Protect yourself
Just cos you’re in love, don’t lose your head. Protect yourself. If your name isn’t down on the house, get it on the house deeds. Keep your own bank account. Protect your assets. If you have a joint account, look at it. Know what’s going out and for what. I sound like an untrustworthy cow but I’m not. I’ve just seen too many of my friends get fucked over and it’s not worth it. Just have some common sense.
10. It’s OK to argue
We argue, we bicker, we fight like cat and dog but we know it is just a 10-minute barney and then we are all good. I can’t get my head around those couples that don’t fight or bicker. The men in those marriages end up 6 feet under and the women are doing a stretch inside I tell ya. We’ve done loads of contracts abroad and people are like, ‘Youse two fight loads’. ‘Errrrrrrr no bitch, we bicker loads!’. We are terrible at it but we end up calling each other a dick and then lose it, laughing.
We’ve had so many arguments I’ve lost count. We do it well though. Like, if there was a section on Mr and Mrs for the best barney we’d win. Moral of the story is; have your fight, barney, bicker, whatever you want to call it, sort it out and move on. Life is too short to hold a grudge so bang ya heads together and sort yourselves out.
Here is us being a pair of complete and utter divvies together.
That’s me done. The irony is I will be single soon after me harping on about me marriage like this! ?????
Hope you’re all having the best week!